For the past few days, I have been thinking a lot on beliefs and such things. Do I believe in God? Honestly I don’t know. For me idol-worship and keeping fasts and visiting religious places, these all things seem pretentious. Does one need to do all these things if one is a believer? But believer in what sense? I believe in myself.. I don’t believe in God. So am I a non-believer? I don’t think so. For me belief has always meant, believing in yourself. Believing in God, asking someone else for help – is it not a sign of weakness? I agree that if someone is there to help you, someone up above who is observing everything, who is there to get you out of the pits, who is always there – one feels so wonderful and comforted and safe. But is it not like remaining in your cocoon, waiting for everything to fall in place because you believe in God and he’ll put all wrong to right.
I don’t know whether God exists or not… Am I an atheist or a theist, I don’t know? Even I like to believe that someone is out there looking after everything, but is it a matter of choice? It is not like “Oh, ok.. So and so happened. So I’ll believe.. Or I will profess atheism”. What you believe and what you like to believe, they are two very different things. Believing in something because one just likes it, well that would be dealing a heavy blow to the whole belief-system.
But does everything have to be white and black? Is there not a gray area, for someone like me? I am usually at loss when someone asks me if I am an atheist? I’d love to answer that 70% of me is an atheist and the rest 30% believes in God. But to comprehend this answer the other person has to be as confused as I am… Next time this question is asked of me, I’ll just answer that I’m an agnostic…
Huh.. a pretty confused post from an even more confused guy!